The news of my pregnancy travelled fast, well what do you expect. I shared the good news to a handful of my girlfriends and the next few days it seemed like everyone knew. Haha I guess my friends are quite a gossip. But thats ok, although i do plan on keeping it low until second trimester, its nice to know that friends and family are praying for my well being. And since almost everyone already knew, why not make a blogpost about it right?

If you read my previous post, you might already knew that i am constantly in a worried state. Scared that my body will reject my pregnancy or my baby will just refuse to grow. Maybe i didn't really mention it in my writings, literally, but that is what i felt. But i always prayed for the best, whenever i'm feeling down, scared, or worrying excessively, i turn to Allah and i'll feel good afterwards. However, Allah knows best. That fear and the feeling of unease that i'd been having lately is a sign..i guess i have a strong instinct. I had a missed miscarriage on my 12th week of pregnancy. 

My husband and i were kinda active that week, (err you know what i mean). So when i had a very light cut-like bleeding the next day, i thought, maybe its because of that activity (you know)..because i read somewhere that our private area are soft and sensitive during pregnancy. But still, i was shaking..extremely terrified and my eyes are already teary. My husband was at work so i decided to go to a private clinic and just have a scan. I read a lot about how common it is to have light bleeding during pregnancy, but you know me, i need to hear it from the doctor's mouth and see (scan my tummy) everything is alright.

The clinic was on their lunch break so i went home, called my husband and he came straight home then we went to the clinic together. We told ourselves that we worry too much and it was nothing, everything is fine and well. So when we finally had a scan, while expecting everything to be ok..then suddenly all we saw on the monitor was an empty sac, the room went silent. I stared the monitor and i felt my husband's arm on my shoulder..a soft yet a strong hold on me. The doctor can't even made a complete sentence, she just said sorry..and i knew what she meant. She explained a little, gave us a letter and refered us to the hospital. I don't think i have to tell you how much i cried that day..you can imagine it yourself. The first few days are torture, especially at night..those sleepless nights. *sigh* But don't worry, i am much much better now. I have a strong heart you know, and i am a strong believer of Allah. So no worry, i can smile and laugh now :) This is when a funny husband comes in handy, even just looking at his face would make me laugh..haha My funny and adorably handsome hero.

The next day we went to HSA, and after checking, scanning and everything, the doc made an appointment for us to meet the gynecologist in 2 weeks. I was better prepared this time, physically and mentally. I can ask questions to doctors without feeling bad about myself, we even had a little laugh when i forgot my wedding date, silly me. Anyhow, it turns out the fetus is there, its not missing or disappeared mysteriously. My theory is my previous scanner machine (idk the technical name haha) is just not strong enough, or emm not advanced enough to see it. According to the doctor it stop growing at week 10..and she said there is nothing wrong with my uterus. No sign of cyst or fibroid or anything else..so thats a big relief. They gave us a choice, whether to let it out naturally or have a minor operation to make sure everything is out, D&C. We decided to have the operation, which is tomorrow.


Hoping everything to be well and easy for me, pray for me would you? Its nothing risky but it is a new experience for me. Kinda scary when you don't know what to expect, no matter how much you read about it..but i tried to be as prepared as i can. I'll update later on the D&C and maybe write more about my whole miscarriage thingy. Hey, i might even write a book. Hahaha Good night, wish me luck :)

Helo..Just to let you know, i'm in a good mood. Sebab..sebab dah boleh makan sikit yay! Haha..sikit jela, still dapat komen "eh apel nampak kurus." which is still kinda nice. Rare kot orang nak cakap macam tu. heheh Well anyhow, i rather be fat than not being able to eat at all. Hargai lah nikmat makan yang ada, jangan memilih makan sangat ok. See sentiasa ada pengajaran dalam kehidupan. Eceh

So as promised, let me tell you my experience during week 7 to 8. Minggu ke-7 ialah hari pertama aku pergi scan dekat klinik. Gambar ada, tapi segan nak tunjuk..hihi Nanti-nanti lah..so masa ni kandungan kecik sangat, nampak titik je. Tapi dah ada degup jantung yang tak sekata lagi, but still..its nice to know that that little heart is pumping cutely inside you. 

Masa ni, aku pergi honeymoon lah kononnya dekat langkawi. Experience naik flight ok, tak ada masalah. Cuma masa take off and landing tu macam berdesing sikit, tapi biasalah. Tak preggy pun macam tu especially yang jarang naik flight. Sepanjang dekat sana, selera makan sangat lah teruknya.Selera tu tak ada sebab rasa loya. Makan tu rasa nak muntah, makan ni rasa nak muntah. But luckily, aku just rasa loya, takde lah muntah teruk setiap masa. Sepanjang kat sana, aku muntah 2 kali je. Tapi rasa lapar yang amat. Waktu ni the only makanan yang betul-betul boleh makan cuma buah je. Aku singgah makan dekat paparich sebab nak makan bubur, tapi bubur dia macam ada lemak minyak-minyak, so tak boleh makan jugak. Dah la lapar, serius rasa nak nangis. Last-last makan buah jugak. Wuaaaa Tapi susah kan kalau tak makan langsung, nanti gastrik. Nurse cakap better makan dan muntah dari tak makan lepas tu muntah-muntah, sebab nanti kita dehydrate. Tu yang kena tahan hospital tu. So walaupun berat kena makan jugak..selalunya masa ni aku ratah lauk dan elak makan nasi.

Minggu ke-8 pulak, tak banyak perbezaan bab makan. Disebabkan tu, mungkin lah, badan jadi lebih lemah dan tak bermaya. Rasa sangat malas, malas yang amat Ya Allah rasa nak tido je, which i did. mwahahaha Ok dan masa ni dah mula tak boleh masak dah. Bau tanak nasi menjadi satu penyiksaan yang nyataaaaa...Bau bawang, perhh lagi lah. Kalau ibu masak sambal, aku duduk diam-diam dalam bilik sambil tutup hidung dan bernafas ikut mulut. Can you imagine? Haha

Masa awal pregnancy ni lah kesabaran suami diuji. Kalau selama ni bangun pagi isteri yang kejut, sekarang boleh jadi terbalik sebab isteri taknak bangun tido. Sarapan pun ada tak ada, rumah pun kemas tak kemas. Tambah-tambah anak first, isteri manja lagi sebab experience baru kan. Suami kalau tak sabar layan perangai isteri, boleh renggangkan hubungan tahu? Tapi isteri jangan ambil kesempatan nak terlebih emosi. Aku selalu mintak maaf dekat man sebab takut sangat buat dia kecik hati atau tak happy. 

Always communicate. Yes, ni penting..jangan pendam perasaan..bagitahu suami. Lelaki dah la tak paham perempuan ni. Kalau tak bagitahu memang dia sampai sudah taktahu..unless korang memang klik sangat. Tak payah cakap pun dia faham. ahhh..heaven. I'm lucky to have an understanding husband. Tapi tu mungkin sebab selama ni kitorang selalu bagitahu apa kitorang rasa. So lama-lama jadi faham lah masing-masing, with a few MIA here and there. Communication is key, remember that, always.

Its a stressful moment for me, i became over sensitive and over critical to everything and everyone. Its easy to get teary and miss home. I miss my mom so bad..i miss her cooking i miss home. Kalau boleh balik tiap-tiap minggu nak balik. If you feel like i do, i suggest you get yourself closer to Allah. Banyakkan mengaji, baca tafsir..banyak berdoa. Waktu solat, luar solat, nak tido, bila terjaga tengah malam, berdoalah..berdoa dengan ikhlas. Lepas tu inshaAllah sikit-sikit kerisauan dan penat yag kita rasa tu akan jadi bearable dan kita akan jadi lebih kuat. Keep an open mind and always be positive ok. Happy pregnancies future mommies. Tengok gambar baby cute puas-puas ok, bagi semangat. heheh :)

Mengandung ni bukan sesuatu yang mudah dan semestinya tak remeh. Walaupun seawal mana perkembangan bayi pun, banyak benda yang berlaku dalam badan kita. Bagi ibu muda ni, yang anak pertama banyak sangat benda yang mengelirukan dan menakutkan. Sebab yelah, tak semua pregnancy ni sama. Kalau tanya pendapat org pun belum tentu dapat jawapan. Sebab seriusli, mengikut pembacaan (aiceh skema habeh bak hang) semua wanita mempunyai pengalaman yang berbeza. In fact, kalau ibu yang mengandungkan anak ramai pun pengalaman pregnancy tak sama antara setiap anak. Kalau tanya Dr pun sama, same reason. Tapi maybe Dr ni banyak patient so banyak dengar luahan hati pesakit dia, so arkib dia luas lah, mudah nak refer. Betul tak? Macam betul je..kot, heheh Den ghoma memandai-mandaiyai~

Jadi oleh itu, sy nak buat rekod lah. For public references, kita boleh compare keadaan masing-masing. At least bila tahu org lain pun rasa yang sama, kita lega sikit. Betoi dak? Ok so here it is, i'm creating a new label for my blog. Any update on my pregnancy will be under the label pregnancy ok. :)

Minggu ke-6

Sebenarnya early stages pregnancy ni sgt menakutkan. Sebab awal lagi, ada bayak risiko. Boleh jadi early miscarriage sebab masalah dengan dna, kromosom tak cukup cthnya, which is beyond our control. Its dangerous to be too excited at this stage. My advice is, jangan buat announcement lagi. Tunggu ada degup jantung dulu baru inform ahli keluarga. You'll appreciate me telling you this.

Minggu ni walaupun terasa awal dan development baby pun masih slow, tapi badan dah mula rasa tak selesa. Last week, aku susah sangat nak tido sebab lutut rasa sengal. Macam tah pape tapi sirius, susah sangat nak tido untuk beberapa hari, maybe sebab aku manja pun ye jugak kot. Heheh Belakang badan pun rasa sakit, especially malam-malam masa nak tidur tu. Tapi minggu ni alhamdulillah dah kurang tapi bertukar ke masalah lain pulak. Hahahahahaha! Hahahaha..haaaih (gelak stress)

Minggu ni aku banyak terjaga malam sebab nak ke toilet. Dekat 4 5 kali jugak la, tapi tu mungkin sebab aku pun gatal minum air banyak sebelum tidur. So take note, kurangkan intake air bila nak tidur. Ke-2, tekak dah mula menggedik dan badan mula melembik. Rasa tak bermaya especially pagi. Aku tak muntah-muntah tapi selalu rasa loya dan pening. Makan pun memilih. Semua benda tak sedap dan tak larat nak telan nasi. Tapi aku makan jugak sebab lapar. Haha Solution sementara ni ialah makan makanan berkuah, panas, dan pedas. Kalau tak pedas rasa tawar je dan tak menyelerakan. So my note is, jangan senduk nasi banyak-banyak dan lauk pun ambil sikit-sikit sebab takut nampak je sedap nak makan, tapi tak boleh telan. *i miss you yummy food*

Selain dari itu, aiceh macam karangan upsr. Aku dah mula cepat mabuk kalau naik kereta. Kalau jarak dekat ok lagi, tapi kalau dah sejauh skudai ke melaka, perhh..macam baru lepas naik roller coaster. Kena bayak buat stop dan keluar kereta, ready air masak dalam kereta. Makan buah pun ok jugak. Haa yes, makan buah banyak-banyak. Ok enough notes for this week. Sekarang tengah week 8 and i'll give you some heads up, BLUERRKKKKK! Rasa macam ada muntah dalam tekak sepanjang masa. Nice right? But, because of you my darling baby, i'll survive. I love you.