Relationship Guru

♥assalamualaikum


No i am not a relationship guru, i just think its a cool title for a post tho. Haha I've been married for almost 2 years now. We're in that honeymoon phase, yes, still honeymooning. We're young, still learning about each other but a lot did happen within these 2 years. Macam sekejap je masa berlalu, rasa macam tak ada apa yang berubah. tapi percayalah, bila kita berhenti sekejap dan ambil masa untuk reflect balik, kita akan sedar betapa banyak masa dah merubah kita dan kehidupan kita. 




Traditionalist in the Modern Age


Although some people might think of me as a modern person, i am actually quite conservative, a bit traditional in some aspects especially in relationship. I am not the jealous type of wife, i trust my husband although i have to admit marriage requires a sufficient amount of doubt to function properly. You'd need just the right amount of doubt to protect yourself from the detriment of naivety.


Its easy to misinterpret what i feel as jealousy when in truth, meh i just don't like it. Get it? Haha Ok its like this, i'm not jealous, i just don't like things that aren't necessary. Unnecessary by my definition would be; unrelated to work, family, health, current issues, and not a casual conversation between close friends catching up on life. I don't restrict my husband from doing anything, i don't think women are wooing him or the other way around, i don't attack woman who befriended him, i just don't like unnecessary conversations. I'd told him how i feel then we'd talk about it. Jealousy on the other hand usually had no basis of argument and would essentially lead to a fight.


I just think that lelaki dan perempuan kena hormat perkahwinan orang lain dan bergaul ikut keselesaan orang, bukan ikut apa yang dia selesa sahaja. Walaupun pengalaman diri sendiri masih setahun jagung, tapi aku banyak mendengar. I'm lucky that my parents likes to talk. I mean, they share what they know not to gossip but to educate. Its different, gossips would focused on the people but my parents would focus more on the event. They'd talk about why they think it happen, what they do to help calm the situation, when to help and when to back off and so on. Not to mention my boss is kinda like them too. So if an 'event' took place in the office, i'd know about it. And boy, do i know a lot..its eye opening.


The Conscientious Spouse


What i can say is, act the way you should. Know your responsibilities and know your limitations. We're muslim, so its easier for us because we already have a guideline. So learn, follow it and inshaAllah we'll be safe. Memang, kadang-kadang restrictions buat kita rasa kolot, rasa terbatas. Kadang-kadang kita rasa " ... remeh dan tak bagi kesan apa-apa pun, kenapa nak jaga sangat?" Tapi based on apa yang aku dengar dan faham dari pengalaman orang lain, yang remeh tu lah selalu jadi punca. Dengan siapa kita bergaul, apa yang kita borakkan dengan orang lain terutamanya jantina lain, apa yang kita kongsi dengan pasangan masing-masing dan apa yang kita tak kongsi walaupun remeh seremeh-remehnya akan tetap bagi impak pada hubungan kita. Mula-mula impak dia tak besar, insignificant, tapi sikit-sikit lama-lama jadi bukit. Ahha I know, you'd be like, "alaaaa benda simple je takkan lead kepada masalah rumahtangga." Well hey, tah-tah itu la yang diorang rasa awal-awal, yang ada masalah rumahtangga tu . Take things for granted sampai lah isu jadi terlalu besar untuk dikawal.


But anyhow, we do what we do not for the results but we do it because we have to, because we want to be a good muslim. Because it is our nature, a 'fitrah' to put trust in Allah and follow His guidance. Whatever happen then is beyond our control but at least we know we did our best, it was just meant to be. It would be much easier to handle stress and life struggle when you feel that way. Its easier to feel content.


Jodoh ni complicated, perkahwinan tak semestinya penutup jodoh, perjalanan masih panjang. Kita tak minta yang buruk, tapi siapa lah kita. Berdoa, berdoa lah setiap masa untuk hubungan yang baik. Berdoa lah Allah lindungi kita dan pasangan daripada perkara buruk yang datang dari diri kita sendiri dan juga daripada hasad dengki orang lain. Banyak kan berdoa untuk kebahagian, ketenangan dan usaha lah sehabis baik untuk capai semua tu. Lepas tu kita tawakal, redha.. percayalah hidup akan jadi lebih tenang dan menenangkan. Jadi yang terbaik, buat yang terbaik. Lindungi diri kita dan pasangan daripada segala kemungkinan.

The art of complaining

♥assalamualaikum

I am currently taking part in conducting a survey related to our education system. But fyi i'm not a student, and i used to be in the technical field. This is my first time tackling social science issues. But i think i am more suited for this field, i'm not really good in being technical, too bad at math. Haha *cries silently*

At the end of my survey is a space reserved specially for comments. Although not everyone writes, there are still quite a handful who does and they do it passionately, it's great. You know the trend now, people just loveee to complaint, heck, even me, especially on social media. But social media is not the most suitable platform to complaint (shocking) because the ones you're complaining about don't even know about it. Instead of making things better, you're just being an emotional 'syok sendiri' person, ranting and ranting to a wall. Well, i guess most of the time we don't really want to make things better, we just want to be heard, or even just to let some steam out. I get it, i often feel that way too.




But when opportunity came, someone somehow wants to listen and take action, don't be emotional to them. They didn't make you feel that way, they just want to help. Let me tell you the right way to complaint in a comment section, well according to me lah.


1. Put your emotion into it, but don't be emotional.
Sometimes how you say things can make a neutral take side.

2. Use clear and proper sentence. 
I'm curious why a person would write in a survey form like they're replying a whatsapp chat. We can't help you if we don't understand what you need.

3. Be mature. 
Does your comment refers to a personal issue or something everyone can relate and benefits from?

4. Be respectful. 
We all have different opinion and when talking about a sensitive issue, you have to speak in a tone that is not provocative. Avoid using words like stupid, especially stupid, in a formal survey. Don't make those who wanted to help gave up on you because of your attitude.

However, this is just the opinion of a beginner, a noob. Others might not feel the same. Maybe emotional and hateful comments is what some research need, to really understand the struggle and how it affect emotions and behavior towards others. It's easy to tick on a scale, but a comment may be more personal and honest.

priority hidup

♥assalamualaikum


Kadang-kadang aku terfikir, kalau muda maksudnya kita tak matang ke? Kalau muda maksudnya kita belum faham kehidupan ke? Orang kita kan suka cakap, yang tua lebih banyak makan garam. Sebab tu bila aku ada pendapat, aku takut nak kongsi. Aku takut orang fikir aku terlalu muda untuk ada pendapat. Tapi, makin lama aku sedar yang umur bukan garis pengukur untuk apa-apa pun kecuali berapa lama dia hidup aje lah, dan betapa tinggi tekanan darah dia sebab banyak sangat makan garam. Huehuehue 

You can't set a threshold for wisdom based on age can't you? I don't think so. Jadi walaupun aku masih muda, aku nak share pendapat aku tentang hidup, boleh kan?


Ekonomi


Mungkin dalam beberapa tahun lagi negara kita akan alami fasa kegawatan ekonomi. Aku pernah dengar somewhere yang kegawatan ekonomi akan berulang setiap 8 tahun. Tak silap aku last time kita gawat pada tahun 2008, jadi brace yourself, winter is coming..sekarang dah masuk 2016, cukup umur 8 tahun. Industri oil & gas dah mula rasa sakit, lepas ni industri lain akan menyusul. Construction industry, i'm watching you. Know why i think construction industry will be next? Sebab projek-projek pembangunan akan di-hold-kan sebab low on funding and prospect for buyers terutamanya projek pembinaan rumah. Tapi itu pun bergantung juga pada strategi kerajaan. Kalau zaman Dr M dulu dia buat projek mega untuk tarik pelabur dari luar negara. Selain tu juga kos perbelanjaan negara dikurangkan, kalau ikutkan Najib, i'm not sure. Maybe not so on cutting expenditure but more on cutting subsidy and increasing the taxes. Let the people struggle! =.="

Ketakstabilan ekonomi akan memberi impak dekat semua orang, tak kira lah yang high class, middle class, low class income pun semuanya akan rasa. Tapi buat apa nak takut sangat, macam ni lah hidup. Walaupun risau dengan kemampuna pentadbiran negara, aku masih bersyukur kita tak dalam keadaan perang macam sesetengah negara lain. Kita mungkin kena struggle untuk survive, tapi sekurang-kurang kita tak perlu struggle untuk pertahankan nyawa dan maruah kita. "Syukur Malaysia masih aman." ayat ni sindirian untuk para pentadbir negara, tapi sebenarnya ada sikit kebenaran yang kita patut akui. Bersyukur tu rahsia ketenangan.


Survival orang muda


Kadang-kadang aku tak faham kenapa dalam ekonomi yang tak stabil macam ni orang sibuk nak melancong luar negara. I know its your money and you probably had a bundle of them, buat tabung semata-mata untuk berjalan macam ramai orang buat sekarang. Tapi, unless booking dah dibuat, elak lah dari melancong luar negara. Spend lah duit dalam negara. Dengan kadar pertukaran matawang kita teruk sekarang ni, rugi tau. But still, aku bukannya tak suka orang pergi melancong luar negara, pergi lah, banyak yang kita boleh belajar..but, not now. Kiv spending, focus on saving. Sekarang mungkin kita rasa duit tu cukup tapi ingat tak zaman mak ayah kita dulu? Ramai orang hilang punca pendapatan, ramai kena berhenti kerja. Kalau tak kena buang kerja, gaji kena potong, or worst, kerja teruk tapi  gaji tak dapat-dapat. Keep that in mind and plan an emergency exit for worst case scenario.

I don't know, maybe aku agak paranoid tapi itu lah yang aku rasa.





I don't know why i babble a lot about the economy, sampai dua perenggan. Haha Maybe sebab ada kaitan dengan topik sebenar  which is priority hidup. I know right, gila matang punya topik. But seriously, we need to set a list of priority in our life.

Duit? 
Travel? 
Keluarga? 
Masa? 
Kerjaya? 
Pangkat?
Keselesaan atau kemewahan hidup? 
Agama tingkat berapa?

Aku ada seorang kawan ni, masa tu dia baru mula buat research master dia dan dia rasa down. Kebetulan pula masa tu aku ada kelas dekat dekat bilik dia jadi aku pergi la melawat borak-borak. Aku tanya la dia ok tak dan taktahu lah mungkin aku ada aura pendengar, dia pun luahkan sikit perasaan down dia. Aku taktahu sangat nak tolong bagi semangat kat orang tapi aku cuba. Benda pertama yang aku tanya dia ialah, apa yang dia nak dalam hidup ni? Ada masa-masa, punca kita tak rasa semangat ialah kita taktahu kenapa kita buat sesuatu perkara ataupun kita buat sesuatu atas sebab yang salah. Jadi bila kita ada masalah kita akan rasa penat dan tak semangat.

Kawan aku tu kata, dia nak jadi orang yang dipandang tinggi. Almost like that lah, i paraphrased based on what i think he means when he said things. Dia sambung belajar untuk jadi orang yang ada ilmu, supaya orang hormat pandangan dia dan rujuk dia bila ada sesuatu masalah. Aku tak ingat exactly apa yang aku cakap tapi basically this is what i told him.



"Buat lah semuanya kerana Allah. Lillahitaala dalam setiap pekerjaan."



Hidup ni ada banyak variable yang kita tak boleh kawal. Kalau kita cuba nak kawal semua variable tu kita boleh jadi gila. Ada orang fikir kalau dia usaha kuat-kuat dia akan berjaya. Jadi dia usaha sehabis baik, bersusah payah untuk dapatkan apa yang dia nak dalam hidup. Tapi bila dia tak dapat apa yang dia nak, apa yang dia usahakan, dia akan rasa down dan akhirnya dia give up. You have to remember this, manusia wajib berusaha tapi hasilnya semua ditentukan Allah. Orang yang berusaha tak semestinya akan berjaya dalam hidup tapi redha dan tawakal lah kejayaan yang sebenar. Jadi jangan usaha kuat untuk dapat sesuatu melainkan untuk mendapat redha Allah, kita takkan rasa down dan penat walaupun usaha kita semata-mata usaha dan tak membuahkan hasil. Sebab kita tahu usaha tu sendiri ada habuannya.

I have work to do. I wish i can write more. Aku rasa macam tak sampai lagi conslusion topik priority hidup tu. Tapi takpelah, to be continued.....