I always believe that the more you dont like yourself, the easier it gets for you to not like others. Does it make any sense? Sometimes its even hard for me to understand what i wrote. But you know, i think there is truth in what i'm saying. Through my experience that is.

I dont like myself that much

People who are close to me always says that, i am too negative. Its true i guess. I always hate people first, then grow to like them afterward. And it is easy for me to not like people. For me to hate someone is quite rare, but to not like people, its kinda easy. I know its not a good thing. Believe me i know. And i'm trying hard to change how my brain works on that particular part. But in the end, its not your brain that decide who you like or who you hate, i think, its your heart that decides it all. Is it?

The heart is mysterious

I always think a heart is more than just an organ. Heart is life. Your heart is who you are. Brain without heart is empty. I mean, if you have all the knowledge in the world. .you know everything, but not having someone to love to hold not having emotions and feelings to share, knowledge of life it self would be meaningless.

Hate. Hate is a fuel. They say when you hate someone, you'll be more motivated to surpass them therefore making you a better person. Is it really that way? I dont know. When i hate someone, i just hate them. It didnt motivated me to be anything. Well, it did motivate me to not be like them, so i guess yeah. Hate can be a good thing.

Hating friends.

You know its impossible to like everything about everyone. There is always something. But  its fair as long as everyone think like that. I mean, every time you dont like your friend because of something-something, you'll always remind yourself that "I bet there is something they dont like about me too." So you let it pass, cuz you know that your friend let you pass. Do you get what i'm trying to say? I sux at this. I always find it hard to explain to people about what i think.

Hm. .friendship. Friends are weird. You can love them and you can hate them at the same time. Sometime you dont understand why the acted so annoyingly, so what-is-wrong-with-you-ly, so so ugghhh-i-hate-you-ly and etc. .but there are also times when you love them so much and your brain just simply delete all the memories of stupid things that they've done. I hate when that happen, and i like when that happen too. I know, i'm not good in making decisions.

I dont know why i wrote this. I dont know what i'm really thinking right now. I guess this few days, few things happened. I hated few people this few days, this few weeks, and i feel guilty about it. I guess this is how i'm telling myself its ok to hate people sometimes. Cuz people are people. Its hard not to hate them.

This is how i'm reminding myself that if i hate people, there are people who hate me too. But they put up with me, so i have to put with them. Maybe this time its their turn to be annoying, maybe next time its mine. So if i be a good girl, and learn not to hate people when its their turn to be hateful, they'll do the same when its my time to be a super annoying monster.

The end.