I've been swallowing this feeling for quite a while. My car broke down. And because i drive an old BMW, the cost to repair...fuuhhh its too much to bear. Plus i'm not working, i'm a full time student. I don't have money. I do have some, thank god i applied for MARA loan, but its not enough. And now i don't have money to pay for the tuition fee. 

First time it broke was while i was out, I parked and waited for Wak inside the car and suddenly smokes came out from the hood and the car died. Can you imagine how i felt? Scary. But i'm glad it didn't happened while i'm driving. And thankfully i didn't happened while i was driving back to K.L. So it ok, i'm not emotional or stressed out, i'm just a bit shocked. It turns out the radiator leaked. Total repair cost, RM500.

Second time was while i was out grocery shopping. I was stopping at traffic light and suddenly the car just died. Making things worst, the traffic was a bit heavy that day. So other cars keep honking and my friend and i..we panicked. It was a horrible experience but we managed to laugh it off. 2 car stopped and help us get the car out of the way. I'm glad it happened while we're stopping at traffic light. At least the car behind us was slow and we didn't cause any accident. This time, the total cost was RM1500. But thats ok, i'm cool. Being positive as always. Then suddenly the radio can't work. Now i'm a bit frustrated. It was out from the workshop for just a few days and the radio can't work? A bit stressed out but still ok.


The third time happened while i was picking up Wak from his house, we're going to have dinner. I parked and waited outside the house then suddenly the car died. I try to relax and keep a positive mind. I'm ok but not so ok. You know..i'm tired and i don't have money. I don't want to ask money from my parents cause they've given me too much already. They paid for all the saman, and the roadtax..i don't have the heart to ask for more. But i have too. I cashed out some money from my account and i'm left with RM100. Thankfully my mom banked in some money into my account but i'm sad because if it wasn't because of my family, all i have left is RM100 to spend this month. *sigh*




I'm feeling down right now but i'll be fine. Thankfully i have good friendship here and i have a hero to save me, always. I don't know what i'll do without him. So the moral of the story: things can always be worse, you can't survive living by being alone, and don't spend too much time worrying, act.

Aku percaya sains dan agama tak sepatutnya diasingkan. Well, semua benda lah tak patut diasingkan dan dipisahkan daripada agama. Sebab? Sebab manusia ni ada batas pemikiran. Ada banyak gila benda yang kita tak dapat buktikan, tak dapat selesaikan. Fizik bukan semuanya fakta..kebanyakannya teori, kan? Manusia ni boleh dipisahkan kepada pelbagai golongan. For this case, let say that manusia ni terbahagi kepada 3. Yang hanya percayakan scientifically proven facts, 2nd yang berserah segala-galanya pada agama tanpa buat kajian untuk sokongan, dan ke-3 yang berjaya faham kebergantungan kedua-duanya. Which one are you?

This is history all over again. Sains dipisahkan daripada agama sebab kelemahan manusia. Angkuh, tak nak toleransi dan takut pada perubahan. Padahal sains dan agama tak salah. Ni lah yang menakutkan, bila orang bijak pandai lupa yang mustahil seseorang manusia ni untuk bijak pandai dalam segala-galanya, bila manusia gagal untuk sedar kelemahan masing-masing. Padahal kita semua ni berbeza-beza supaya kita saling bergantung antara satu sama lain. Bukannya pin point kelemahan masing-masing dan jadikannya bahan untuk berbalah. 

Positive

Ingat senang nak jadi positive? Ada satu sifat dalam diri kita ni yang mana kita sentiasa nak jadi lebih baik dari orang lain. Bila kita tak mampu untuk jadi yang terbaik, kita mula fokus pada kelemahan dan keburukan orang lain untuk rasa bagus. Takpe lah, natural. Masa dan pengalaman mematangkan kita dan mungkin perasaan tu akan pudar sedikit demi sedikit.

Kalau betul nak jadi positive, kena selalu ingatkan diri sendiri tentang kesempurnaan. Kesempurnaan tak wujud dalam manusia biasa macam kita ni. Sempurna tu bukan hak kita, manusia terpilih je yang dapat privilege tu. Sentiasa ingatkan diri sendiri yang semua orang punya kelemahan masing-masing dan sentiasa syak kelemahan kita lebih teruk dari orang lain. Supaya kita sedar diri dan cuba memahami tindak tanduk orang lain.

Action and reaction.

Newton's third law of motion; for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. No i'm not trying to physic things up because it is not my field. Aku cuma suka statement tu, sebab boleh apply kat mana-mana. Imagine having to choose between two sides, and you've made your decision. Whenever you try to argue about something, remember that the same argument is happening on the other side, only difference is that the basis of the argument is contrary to yours. You get what i mean? Man i suck at explaining, huuu.

What i'm trying to say is, we have an invisible mirror in front of us. Mimicking everything that we do, that we think, and feel. There is always a different side of the story, always a different perspective to look at things. When you hate something for a reason that you think is logic, there is someone who feel the other way around, the exact opposite of what you have in mind. And ask yourself, can you argue with your reflection? You can't even touch.

I'm not sure where i'm going with this. I have this feeling inside that i want to let out but can't quite figure out how to sentence them. Too much is happening and i hate the fact that i can't do anything about it. 

Semalam adelah hari yang sangat emosi bagi aku. Sebab semalam aku terbaca cerita yang sangat mengharukan. Cerita simple je, pasal keluarga yang nak pergi bercuti. Walaupun keluarga ni susah, ayah oku, rumah pun tak lengkap tapi ada kebahagian dalam keluarga, tu yang penting kan? Imagine, kalau seorang isteri sanggup bawak motor roda 3 dengan suami dan anak-anak dalam tong yang bersambung sebelah motor, betapa sayang dan cintanya die pada suami kan? Ni lah orang panggil susah senang bersama-sama. Anak-anak pun, walaupun tak semudah orang lain..tapi sanggup bersusah payah nak luangkan masa dengan keluarga. Siap ada 2 lagi anak perempuan kayuh basikal, tak muat dah nak naik motor..family besar. Bukan dekat, dalam 20 km lah perjalanan diorang. Bayangkan lah penat dengan panasnya. Motor pun..tayar dah nak rosak dah, nasib baik la ada orang tolong. Mengharukan sangat, aku menangis macam nak gila. A bit of sedih, a bit of gembira..a bit of frustration. Lama aku fikir. lama aku hayati kisah diorang. Sangat inspiring.

Imposible

You know, its impossible to live in a perfect world. Dunia ni memang penuh dengan ketidak sempurnaan, sebab yang tak sempurna tu lah ujian untuk kita. There are reasons behind this imperfection. To see who dare to make a change? Maybe..among other reasons. Allah je yang tahu. 

My interpretation of a perfect world, is a world where everyone share everything. Well, by everything i mean yang halal lah. Nak share isteri ke tak boleh lah kan, you know what i mean. Semua orang berusaha nak kejar kejayaan. Semua orang nak hidup mewah. Although macam mana kita nak spend kemewahan tu tak sama, but in the end semua orang nak hidup senang..atleast hidup selesa. Aku bayangkan kalau semua orang kongsi kemewahan masing-masing, mesti tak ada orang susah, tak ada orang kebulur..semua orang sederhana je. Kan seronok, kita tak payah tengok orang lain suffer.

The setback. How about achievements? Orang kata kalau kita tak ada drive untuk compete manusia takkan berkembang, macam teori evolusi darwin - the survival of the fittest. Kalau kesenangan hidup terlalu senang nak dicapai, manusia akan jadi terlalu selesa dan berhenti berusaha. Nanti manusia akan terbahagi kepada dua kumpulan - kumpulan orang yang kerja kuat dan kumpulan orang yang tak buat apa-apa. Sooner or later semua orang akan give up dan end up doing nothing. In a way it is true. Ada orang memang suka ambil jalan mudah. Tapi dalam dunia yang sempurna, bagi aku tak akan ada orang sambil lewa. Dunia yang sempurna akan penuh dengan orang yang sentiasa berusaha Lillahitaala. Dunia sempurna apel : semua orang berusaha demi Allah dan semua orang berkongsi. Hah i dream a dream.

Demi Allah

Tulah nawaitu yang paling sempurna sekali kan? Kalau semua orang tanamkan benda tu dalam diri masing-masing, dunia akan jadi lebih baik..negara kita akan jadi lebih baik. Tapi walau apa pun, apa yang  berlaku dekat dunia ni bukan kuasa kita. Sebab kita tak tau apa sangat pun pasal dunia ni. Jadi the best solution kita buat yang terbaik dan berserah pada Allah jelah. 

" If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. 
As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. … 
We need not wait to see what others do " - Ghandi

We can either grief or respond. My whole life, from now on..if someday somehow i am able to be great, to be wealthy..i promise to give back to the world. Doakan kejayaan aku ye :)