For me, i think the first life cycle is during the school years. Not critical years, just calm, relaxing and those years are a time for relationship. Building relationship with your family, friends and yourself. This is the time to enjoy and to explore. Nevertheless, bak kata orang melayu "Melentur buluh biarlah dari rebungnya". Jadi walaupun joyful dan stress free, but who we are while we were young, how we were brought up, do affect who we are in the later life. But i believe, everything that happened at this age is not an excuse if somehow we grow up to be the lesser man than we should.

SPM. I guess this is the most critical time during school years. And for me, i think i could say that i did my best. I got 7As and eventho there are some biter memories, there were still more of the sweet memories to cover the bitterness that i tasted. I'm not really proud of my result, because i'm not really those kind of people who cared too much about grades and everything. I believe, achievements and knowledge cannot be measure in such way. Still, to prove that i can get a decent result, well..it is kind of satisfying :)

The second cycle.

The second cycle is after school. Deciding where to go after SPM is almost like deciding the path that you're going for the rest of life. After my SPM, i really don't know what to do. At that time i thought i knew, but now, reminiscing..i really just follow the flow. I follow what my parents told me to do. And i'm glad i did. I do have some regrets..of course, who doesn't? I actually wanna be in the journalism family. But family never really support that. They thought it was a waste of my intelligence. Intelligence, that is a big word for a small girl like me.

My parent's dream is to open up a company where my sisters would be the designer, the architect and i would be their engineering partner. It is kinda cool. But engineering is not easy, especially for someone who has journalism in her mind.

But, hm..theres a lot of 'but' is it? Haha..But i followed along. Now i'm in UTM doing my final year in civil engineering. There are ups and downs, more down than up for me yet i still enjoy everything. Now that i'm a senior here, i have a lot to think about. A lot to decide. But i haven't decide anything yet. I have a long term plan for myself, but for now..i really don't know. Last night, i finally finished reading a novel that a lecturer gave me. It gives me, hm..some kind of relieve. To know that everyone, somehow somewhere in their life, there would be a point where they'll have this feeling of insecure and self doubt. Even great mind have trouble finding their ways.

Some people might chase acknowledgement, recognition like John Nash, some might just want to learn and understand like Feynman..and some, like Leonard Mlodinow, just want to live a satisfying life and be someone he himself would be proud of.

Third life cycle is when you finally realize that you are entering adulthood. Every decisions matter now. I'm entering my adulthood, and i am very scared right now. I have my dreams and somehow through time its getting further and further away from my reach. I know that this feeling will worn out someday. Everyone is scared. And being scared is not good for you. We have to be strong and brave, in hope that we all will find a great end for ourselves.

*I don't chase after acknowledgement from others, yet i don't wanna be just ordinary.

Kita merancang, tapi rancangan kita tak sebaik rancanganNya so let see what will happen :)