Last week i guess, all of the final year students in FKA were given a chance to attend an interview with Sime Darby. It was a new experience for me. I never went to an interview before so this is the first. It was kinda scary and exciting at the same time. I'm not sure back then whether i really wanted to work there, or to continue study or to work in a smaller company.. But what the hello, i just do it.

i love you rafiki

When he asked me what i want to achieve in life, i told him bluntly that i want to work for myself, to be my own boss. I don't like the idea of working under people for too long. For gaining experiences yes, but for long term no. Guess it was a bad answer, especially for a fresh graduate. Haha He asked me if i have to choose between design and management what would i choose and then when he asked me how hungry i am to work with them, i paused, for quite a long time. And i end up saying "....i believe the best path to be a good engineer or project manager is to start from working with the consultant agencies so that we have sufficient knowledge and experiences bla3..." I don't know why i am so honest. I should just say i'm as hungry as Africa. Then i told him, although Sime Darby is a developer company it is still ok. Its a challenge for myself and i'm happy to accept it. What an idiot. Haha..

I was jealous that some of my friends, altho this is their first time too, they manage to get through. But then, i thought, i am such a bad friend. So i decide to let it go. I'm proud and happy for my friends especially those who are close to me. Rezeki diorang. And maybe their personality suits better with the company. Extremely delightfully joyfully glad for them :) And wish good luck for the coming aptitude test.

ps: I'm not sad because i wanted to work there, but i'm sad because part of me believe, now, that i am not good enough and it scares me. I always want to believe that i am good enough.

For me, i think the first life cycle is during the school years. Not critical years, just calm, relaxing and those years are a time for relationship. Building relationship with your family, friends and yourself. This is the time to enjoy and to explore. Nevertheless, bak kata orang melayu "Melentur buluh biarlah dari rebungnya". Jadi walaupun joyful dan stress free, but who we are while we were young, how we were brought up, do affect who we are in the later life. But i believe, everything that happened at this age is not an excuse if somehow we grow up to be the lesser man than we should.

SPM. I guess this is the most critical time during school years. And for me, i think i could say that i did my best. I got 7As and eventho there are some biter memories, there were still more of the sweet memories to cover the bitterness that i tasted. I'm not really proud of my result, because i'm not really those kind of people who cared too much about grades and everything. I believe, achievements and knowledge cannot be measure in such way. Still, to prove that i can get a decent result, well..it is kind of satisfying :)

The second cycle.

The second cycle is after school. Deciding where to go after SPM is almost like deciding the path that you're going for the rest of life. After my SPM, i really don't know what to do. At that time i thought i knew, but now, reminiscing..i really just follow the flow. I follow what my parents told me to do. And i'm glad i did. I do have some regrets..of course, who doesn't? I actually wanna be in the journalism family. But family never really support that. They thought it was a waste of my intelligence. Intelligence, that is a big word for a small girl like me.

My parent's dream is to open up a company where my sisters would be the designer, the architect and i would be their engineering partner. It is kinda cool. But engineering is not easy, especially for someone who has journalism in her mind.

But, hm..theres a lot of 'but' is it? Haha..But i followed along. Now i'm in UTM doing my final year in civil engineering. There are ups and downs, more down than up for me yet i still enjoy everything. Now that i'm a senior here, i have a lot to think about. A lot to decide. But i haven't decide anything yet. I have a long term plan for myself, but for now..i really don't know. Last night, i finally finished reading a novel that a lecturer gave me. It gives me, hm..some kind of relieve. To know that everyone, somehow somewhere in their life, there would be a point where they'll have this feeling of insecure and self doubt. Even great mind have trouble finding their ways.

Some people might chase acknowledgement, recognition like John Nash, some might just want to learn and understand like Feynman..and some, like Leonard Mlodinow, just want to live a satisfying life and be someone he himself would be proud of.

Third life cycle is when you finally realize that you are entering adulthood. Every decisions matter now. I'm entering my adulthood, and i am very scared right now. I have my dreams and somehow through time its getting further and further away from my reach. I know that this feeling will worn out someday. Everyone is scared. And being scared is not good for you. We have to be strong and brave, in hope that we all will find a great end for ourselves.

*I don't chase after acknowledgement from others, yet i don't wanna be just ordinary.

Kita merancang, tapi rancangan kita tak sebaik rancanganNya so let see what will happen :)

♥assalamualaikum 

Hai. Cuti semester berakhir awal bagi aku. Balik 2 minggu awal dari sepatutnya sebab nak setelkan makmal untuk projek sarjana muda aku. Tapi ade beberapa masalah lah pulak yang muncul dengan tiba-tiba. Mula-mula kan, aku emo giler. Emo giler lah sampai nangis. Tragis kan? huahua..malu je, tapi aku rasa, i deserve to drop some tears. Ecewahh..hihi tapi nasib baik lah aku emo kejap je, lepas tu normal balik. Happy happy balik. Agak membanggakan di situ :)

laksa..om nom nom nom

mee rebus..oh mai..

Hah sampai tak muat lah nak letak air. Tak boleh blah. Later kitorang ingat nak terus balik tapi teringat pulak ada Helo Kitty Town dekat area situ jugak so we decided to take a look. Puteri Harbour, thats the place. Cantik lah tempatnye. Rasa menyesal jugak tak bawak family datang sini haritu, sebab tak tahu. Bajet je Johorian, ewah..

Ade tempat park yacht dekat sini. Ade kedai makan, tapi tak perasan lah pulak halal ke tak. Cuma yang pasti nye nampak exclusive lah. View cantik, interior kedai pun nice. Kalau nak release tension pun ok jugak, just nak hang out or ambil-ambil gambar pun just nice. Nyaman. Tapi angin agak kuat haritu. Ada banyak construction jugak dekat area sini. Maybe in a few years, naik la beberapa housing area.

Agak loser jugak gambar aku ni. Tak artistik langsung. Almaklumlah, camera henpon aje. huhu..Model wak jawa pulak tu, kahkah. Hensem ape, uuuu..Hensem. :) I think there is a hotel here. But i cant tell, sebab tak bukak pun building Hello Kitty Town ni. Ohoh, lupa..Lat Place pun ada, tapi belum open. Opening soon. Macam best jugak kan? Boleh lah datang nanti.