Tonight i feel like i wanna write about me. Bcuz you know, everybody need some 'me' time. To begin, i am a final year student now, a senior, a lazy senior and this semester i have upgraded myself to be a non-ponteng-dengan-sengaja-er. And i am so proud of myself. Haha. .Dulu tak tau lah kenapa, aku selalu ponteng. Maybe sebab susah nak bangun pagi kot. huhu Tapi kalau kelas pukul 2 pun, lepas lunch break aku malas nak gi jugak so bukan sbb susah bangun, dan...kalau kelas terlalu petang pun aku malas jugak nak pegi. Heh Pendek citer tiap-tiap mase lah aku malas nak pegi kelas. Tapi alhamdulillah, anjakan paradigma yang ossem, aku takde lagi lah ponteng dengan sengaja. *plus minus 2 or 3 classes heheh

life update : academic

My final year project is frustrating. I had put myself to be in a situation where i'm just doing it for the sake of grade. I'm not doing things that i love. I guess its my own fault. I didnt really think before i chose my lect and my title. I was too relax, too casual. I just follow the flow. And it lead me here. But i'm being optimistic. Maybe i need some time to absorb this. You cant force love you know :)

Last week i think, i just got my reinforced concrete design test 1 result. It was, again, frustrating. I really thought that i can do well on this subject, i really thought that i understood..but, hmm..guess i'm wrong. They say its bcuz our lecturer is too strict. Almost everyone in my class is not happy about their result, so that gave me some hope. Maybe its true that he is too strict, maybe i did understand but he expect more. Thats why he was being stingy with the marks. Maybe.

life update : personal

retarded people belong to be together. hahah

I am in a serious relationship right now and it has been two years. I dont how people look at us or label us, but to me, this is the best relationship anyone can ever have. He's a great friend, a great companion, the other half of me. I am not brave enough to say that we will last forever, but all i can say is that if Allah wills, i hope someday we will be halal for each other.

But now his father is sick. His father has a high blood pressure and just recently he had a stroke. When the first time it happened, i was so shocked and scared for him. When he first called to tell me about it, at first, he sounded so calmed, i thought he was ok..but then he kept silence for awhile. I thought there was a problem with the phone signal. I kept calling his name saying hello..but it turns out that he was actually holding from crying. It made me cried as well.

I followed him to the hospital a few times. And sometimes, when his mother was with his dad in the hospital, i would went to his house and took care of his siblings for him. I didnt do much actually. I tried to cook roti telur, but i was too clumsy it got burned. Last time i cook lunch for them, and the bawang and ikan bilis were kinda burned too. Haha..I cook rice for them and it was dry..So as a conclusion, i sux. Haha But they eat it anyway..The youngest brother even complimented my cucur yang keras nak mampus tu. "Sedap kak yana buat cekodok." Yo yo o je...yang lain makan sambil buat muke ketat dan hampir mengalami kekejangan otot rahang. Heheh sorry tak biase dapur orang lain :b

This is a new experience for me. I never knew how it felt to have someone in the family to be really sick. Especially ayah..i couldnt imagine how life would be if ayah gotten sick. But now at least, eventho it is not my family, but because we are so close, i felt it. I worried a lot, sometimes more than i should. But everyone else is doing fine. Altho i can see that his mother is so tired from taking care of his father and tired of being worried all the time, she still smiles a lot, laugh a lot, and she scold her children a lot too. Haha..His sister and brothers were doing fine too. But i know, they miss the old days.

His father would need help if he wanted to move around the house, he eat and drink from tube, he can barely speak..but, he can still cry when he missed his children while he was in the hospital and he can still laugh when they joke around. I learn a lot from this family. I rarely called home to check on my family, i rarely text my sisters, i rarely even chat with them in facebook. But now, i try to connect more often with them. You never know what life will bring.

Things will be fine.  If you are reading this, i want you to know that i am always here. I'll be your shoulder to cry on, i'll be your strength when you're weak. Things are not the same anymore, but its not forever. i know its hard but everything will turn out just fine, you will be just fine. You'll be even stronger, even more matured after this. And i will try my best to help you whenever i could. I love you.